Marriage: Saving the Family

As a parent, we have to be flexible. It's one of the things that separates us from everyone else. We know our kids better than anyone else does. That makes us qualified and required to, adjust our parenting to fit them best. In Laurence Steinberg's book, The Ten Principles of Good Parenting ,  he talks about five ways we can adapt our parenting for our kids. Keeping Pace With Your Child's Development Just as we are always changing and evolving, our kids are growing up and maturing. They may need one style of parenting today, and a different one tomorrow. They don't want us to treat them the same every day. It's no fun to always be treated like a toddler. When we keep pace with our child's development, we are respecting their growth. They are growing, and as a result, deserve a different form of parenting. We all grow out of sticker-charts for potty training eventually. New problems arise every day, and our kids need our help to navigate through them. It...

In order to make any kind of impact in our children's lives, there are certain foundations that we have to create to be successful. The Parenting Pyramid , created by the Arbinger Company, demonstrates this principle. Those foundations are our personal way of being, our relationship with our spouse, our relationship with our children, and lastly our teaching and corrections. Personal Way of Being Children watch. They listen. They internalize . The way we treat ourselves is of the utmost importance. If we beat ourselves up after we make a mistake, they may be scared to come to us when they make a mistake. By being forgiving, especially of ourselves, we are creating an atmosphere of trust. As parents, we are setting an example for our children. Though they might not admit it at times, children are following in our footsteps every day. Corrections and teachings will not work if it is founded upon a lie. As parents and teachers, we must practice what we preach. By being conf...

In my own family, I've found it very easy to love and accept my in-laws. I really love them and think that we all do a great job at accepting one another. Perhaps it's because my in-laws have had a lot of experience with new additions to the family. My husband has two older brothers who have both been married for over 10 years! Their wives are very easily accepted into the family, and once I married my husband (2 years ago at the end of this month), I felt a little more accepted into the family as well. At first, I feel that there was a little bit of difficulty within the merging of our families. I could feel a little bit of contention and opposition with the idea of Jared and I getting married in the first place, but for the most part, everything worked out in the end. I can definitely see where some people come from when it comes to troubled relationships with our in-laws. It usually starts early in the relationship! Common disagreements revolve around differences in per...

When it comes to marriage and family, there are three super important elements that are critical in making a partnership/team work effectively. First, a solid foundation needs to be made within the partnership of a marriage. Second, limits should be set both between the parents and for the children. Lastly, all members of the family should have an equal opportunity to work together to solve problems and make decisions in a family council.  The Importance of Partnership in Marriage Parents should make decisions regarding parenting together. If contradictions arise, they should have a meeting about what should be resolved in order to make their parenting more consistent. If this isn't done properly, parents could demean each other's efforts in setting limits for each other, and for their children.  "In the marriage companionship, there is neither inferiority nor superiority. The woman does not walk ahead of the man; neither does the man walk ahead of the woman....

Sex isn't wrong; it never was. It has forever been intended for a holy purpose after marriage. It is intended for a man and a woman within the institution of marriage. Through healthy sexual relationships, a man and a woman can come closer together emotionally and physically. This closeness cannot be achieved any other way. President Lee's (2000) counsel around sexual impulses is that they are “holy impulses for a holy purpose,” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, p. 112). Sex isn't a sin as long as it's within the bonds of matrimony. Brotherson's (2003) "Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage" explains this concept well. "I had been reading a book on intimacy in marriage, and I'd asked what that experience was really supposed to be like. My mother laughed and said that sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was comforting, sometimes it was romantic, sometimes it was spiritual, and sometimes it was just a willingness to love" (p. 1). ...

When dealing with perpetual problems in a marriage, gridlock will eventually be achieved unless each person's dreams are fully realized. In Dr. John Gottman's The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, he explains that gridlocks are caused by conflicting dreams.  Not every marriage encounters gridlocks, but it's extremely likely when personalities contradict one another. Dr. John Gottman gives four qualifiers to whether a gridlock has been encountered: 1. "You've had the same argument again and again with no resolution" 2. "Neither of you can address the issue with humor, empathy, or affection"  3. "The issue is becoming increasingly polarizing as time goes on" 4. "Compromise seems impossible because it would mean selling out" It seems hopeless when gridlock in a relationship has been achieved, but Dr. Gottman reminds us that "you don't have to solve the problem to get past gridlock" (p. 237). The ...