Partnerships, Boundaries, and Family Councils

When it comes to marriage and family, there are three super important elements that are critical in making a partnership/team work effectively. First, a solid foundation needs to be made within the partnership of a marriage. Second, limits should be set both between the parents and for the children. Lastly, all members of the family should have an equal opportunity to work together to solve problems and make decisions in a family council. 

The Importance of Partnership in Marriage

Parents should make decisions regarding parenting together. If contradictions arise, they should have a meeting about what should be resolved in order to make their parenting more consistent. If this isn't done properly, parents could demean each other's efforts in setting limits for each other, and for their children. 

"In the marriage companionship, there is neither inferiority nor superiority. The woman does not walk ahead of the man; neither does the man walk ahead of the woman. They walk side by side as a son and daughter of God on an eternal journey" (Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, May 2002, p. 52).

Marriage, in its truest form, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather, with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations, he or she might have (Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, August 1992, p. 6).

I love these quotes. A strong marriage consists of two individuals who are equal to one another. Each partner is different, but at the same time, equal. Each partner should give all of their effort to the relationship, so that they can walk side by side, striving to lift one another up, and be strengthened by one another. 

"They [husbands and wives] should be one in harmony, respect, and mutual consideration. Neither should plan or follow an independent course of action. They should consult, pray, and decide together… Remember that neither the wife nor the husband is the slave of the other. Husbands and wives are equal partners" (Marion G. Romney, Ensign, March 1978, pp. 2–4).

By utilizing the partnership we have with our spouse, we can make better decisions overall, and set better limits for our children, and for each other. We are to work together on everything that concerns the family. We are to learn from each other and help one another to grow while respecting one another's opinions and viewpoints.

The Importance of Setting Limits

Often, setting limits is the only things kids consider when they think about what a parent does for their child. It's true that parents can seem strict when they set boundaries, but what each family member should understand is that these boundaries and limits are set in order to protect individuals, and the family unit itself.

"Discipline is probably one of the most important elements in which a mother and father can lead and guide and direct their children…. Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him. If you permit the child to do all the things he would like to do without any limits, that means to him that you do not care much about him" (Spencer W. Kimball, TSWK pp. 340, 341).

These boundaries can significantly impact the course of life a child takes. It can protect them from addiction, overstimulation, predators, and even allow them the opportunity to find other things they like to do. Without boundaries, our partnerships would even struggle. If I could go or do anything without my husband's consent, there really wouldn't be a point to telling him about anything. By setting boundaries and limits as to what we can do, we can foster a stronger friendship and love with one another.

The Importance of Family Councils

What good is a partnership or a team without a council? All family members should have a right to speak up in their family. Often, multiple viewpoints can help to solve a problem. There is a lot that we can learn from our children, and so we shouldn't exclude them from the important decisions made in family councils.

Another great benefit of family councils is that they essentially teach our children how to be part of a team. If our family councils have the right content, like family responsibilities and chores, our children can also learn what it means to be responsible, and how each member of the family is counting on them to contribute to the household. 

In the scriptures it says that “the decisions of these [councils]…are to be made in all righteousness, in holiness, and lowliness of heart, meekness, and long-suffering, and in faith, and virtue, and knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness,... kindness and charity; because the promise is, if these things abound in them they shall not be unfruitful in the knowledge of the Lord” (D&C 107:30-31). I know that by following God's counsel to have councils with our own families, we can grow closer together, and strengthen our love for one another while solving problems along the way.