Rejoicing in Romance

Sex isn't wrong; it never was. It has forever been intended for a holy purpose after marriage. It is intended for a man and a woman within the institution of marriage. Through healthy sexual relationships, a man and a woman can come closer together emotionally and physically. This closeness cannot be achieved any other way.

President Lee's (2000) counsel around sexual impulses is that they are “holy impulses for a holy purpose,” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, p. 112). Sex isn't a sin as long as it's within the bonds of matrimony. Brotherson's (2003) "Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage" explains this concept well. "I had been reading a book on intimacy in marriage, and I'd asked what that experience was really supposed to be like. My mother laughed and said that sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was comforting, sometimes it was romantic, sometimes it was spiritual, and sometimes it was just a willingness to love" (p. 1). Having a sexual relationship doesn't have to be exclusive to feeling love. It means being there for one another and fulfilling each other's needs.

Prior to marriage, and during my engagement, I was very hesitant to accept sex as an acceptable thing for man and wife to do. I was encouraged to read And They Were Not Ashamed, as well as Knowing Her Intimately. I cannot recommend these books enough. They were so eye-opening and helpful in helping me come to realize that sex is godly, and even that sex was created for our enjoyment, rather than a path to procreation. Needless to say, I am no longer in the mindset of sex being a sin. We are commanded to multiply and replenish the earth, but it's also necessary for us to be happy along the way. That is why God has provided us a means to do so.

What happens if a relationship is deprived of healthy sexual relations? Does the relationship crash and burn? Spencer W. Kimball (1982) taught “Divorces often occur over sex…If you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find that there are [many] reasons. Generally, sex is the first. They did not get along sexually. They may not say that in the court. They may not even tell that to their attorneys, but that is the reason.” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 329; emphasis added by Brotherson). If a couple cannot connect emotionally, spiritually, and physically through sexual acts, then it makes sense that the marriage cannot flourish. This closeness cannot be achieved any other way than through sex. God commands us to experience this within marriage.

Sex is not a sin within the bonds of marriage. It is healthy for man and woman to participate in. It's even encouraged by God and his prophets. I know that by following the counsel given regarding the uplifting nature of sex, we can become better partners for our spouses, and truly understand the connection that we can attain with them.

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